Quote:
Originally Posted by Le.Monsieur.S
Would you confront your parents about the problems you think they have caused to you or just walk away without saying a word about it? If you confront them, how will be their reaction?
For me I tend to confront them because I simply cannot walk away, at least not right now, and I always have this blaming in my head and it is causing me so much pain and harm (they cause me to talk to myself and sometimes shout like a crazy person with their images in my mind) and I need to let them out, but every time I confront them, they become defensive and insist that they are better than many parents and that I must be thankful for them, and then begin to compare me with others who are doing better than me and telling me that I have no excuse of not being like them, which makes me angry and frustrated, because they are basically saying it is all my fault that I cannot change and be a better person.
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I think it's the acknowledgement we're after when we confront our parents about our pasts, but the way we go about it can come off a bit accusatory. It's to do with their pride, really. To admit they might've been horrible parents-despite providing the basics and not beating us black and blue-is akin to professing failure. I have a hard time talking about my parents because most will come to the conclusion they are bad people.
I suppose what I'm saying is this subject must be approached gingerly. Explain to them how you feel, but be sure to present it as merely a possibility not a reality. Gradually, coax them to share their feelings on the subject and if they are at least a bit self-aware you'll get at least a small admission of guilt. The human ego is a very fragile thing and conversations are difficult enough when they don't involve such upsetting content.
Recently, I've confronted my mother and father about their parenting-or lack thereof. I asked them why they ignored me and treated me like a nuisance in the most diplomatic way possible. At first, they insisted it was in response to my horrid nature, but the more we conversed the more they were able to see of my viewpoint. They were able to see that ignoring and demonizing someone most parents would take to the therapist might've been poor decision-making on their part. They've apologized, as have I, and we have a good relationship.
Patience and tact, my friend. Patience and tact.