Thank you everyone for responding. It truly helps just to hear any shred of advice or understanding. I feel very welcome here. Once again, thank you for listening.

To answer some of your questions, My psychiatrist prescribed me 150mg wellbutrin xl. One tab a day. Although I feel he didnt really listen to me much, and rushed to prescribe me this medication. I am on a low income, and am going to a state funded low cost clinic for therapy and to see my psychiatrist. Although my therapy is a one hour session bi weekly,
and psychiatrist appts. monthly. I feel it is nowhere near enough therapy, and am out of options simply.

I wish I would have seen these replies earlier. I didnt see this thread posted so I assumed I had to wait for approval to post. I am still so lost. I have been acting impulsively, and doing things that are so not like me. I wish I wouldnt have made so many big, life changing decisions while still depressed. Also, I noticed some of you said "episodes". I feel like it has been one giant continuous two year episode that gradually got so bad my mind couldn't handle it, and thus became severely depressed to the point that it was affecting my life in all aspects.

It hasnt subsided. the medication was helping, until i broke up with my ex, and made some stupid decisions i can no longer take back. Im ashamed. I made a list of traits and thoughts and was brutally honest about it, and am going to email it to my therapist since our sessions are short , and I usually get nervous and dont say all that I want. Please, im dying for any interpretations, opinions, thoughts, or advice ! Sorry for the wall of text... I hope some of you read this and have some feedback for me. I feel like i might be a narcissist, or have some other underlying condition besides depression and anxiety.

"Traits that worry me.

I care if people like me.
I thrive on acceptance and the way people perceive me.
I sometimes feel above others/better than.
I treat friends differently, almost as if on tiers.
I see things very black and white. Either something is good or bad, no in between.
My opinions should be respected, yet rebuttals are usually seen as a personal attack.
Criticism is seen as a personal attack.
I talk over people. I usually add my piece, or somehow relate it to myself. an experience or opinion, and interrupt.
Exaggerate achievements and talents.
Preoccupied with fantasies of love, being in great shape, being a success etc.
Feel that I am unique and can only be understood by certain people.
Feel that i exploit people emotionally. I need validation.
Am envious of others and sometimes think people are envious of me.
Can be a show off/arrogant. Tend to brag.
I usually dont give myself any credit. Doubt myself.Harsh self critic.
Recently have trouble falling asleep. Cant maintain a consistent sleeping pattern.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures.
Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, hopelessness etc.
Reckless/Impulsive behavior involving women, sex, alcohol, socializing etc.
Pessimist. always expect the worst.
Feel scared and helpless when alone.
Feel the need to be in a relationship.
Feel like I dont know who I am. Lack an identity. Feel the need to "find myself".
Emotional Instability. Can have days at a time where I can not be convinced that Ive ruined my life
and theres no coming back, to days where i feel just ok. Days where I feel ok, and have a sudden crying session over my ex.

Felt like I fell out of love with my ex. Am STILL not sure if its my depression,
my true feelings, or a mixture of both. I literally feel incapable of loving at the moment.
I miss her. She treated me like a king, and i have no idea why i pushed her away. Even typing this disgusts me.
Strongly feel that I wasnt appreciative of my ex girlfriend and might have been able to save the relationship if I
got help sooner and put in more effort. I was being very selfish towards the end of the relationship and not treating
my ex like a girlfriend. only worrying about my needs, looking at other women, flirting with other women, lying,
throwing her past cheating into her face, not making her feel special."