For years I was in a lot of pain. A lot. And I had a really hard time using our relationship to help with that pain and to feel less alone. I had a hard time even talking at all, or telling you that it was happening.

Now it has come to my attention that you probably weren't even aware of how much pain I was in, how much of the time I spent thinking about killing myself, what an ever-present backdrop it was to everything. I spent probably 27.5 years like that, in pain constantly, white-knuckling through life, pretending (when I could) that I was not in pain.

Now, finally, the background noise has stopped. I can focus on other things. And I feel so, so grateful to you for that.

But I also feel angry that you (like so many other people in my life) apparently didn't notice...

What is wrong with me that nobody ever noticed, even you?

I feel petty for even thinking about talking to you about this, now...