I am going thru exactly this! Numb but functioning ok, then a day or so of panic, fear, abandonment, hurt, scared...then better. And that's with t taking a long weekend. Like you I used to fall apart the whole time he was gone, so I think it means I am functioning better. And functioning well is my goal. I don't really care how many parts integrate or how many are left, I just want to not fight myself.