Hello,
I have had major depressive disorder for at least 15 years. One peculiar aspect for me is to emotionally self harm; I will imagine the for two reasons (1) to feel any emotion, even grief (2) to hurt myself. I have not been able to convince my therapist how big a deal this is to me. I need to suffer but I don't know why. When I think about suicide, I can't do it because I have not suffered enough.
Lazarus