Chickenfoot: Well, one could argue that wanting to stop your AP and take illegal drugs is evidence that you're not "doing just fine", but only those IRL around you would know for sure.

I guess I'm just wondering what you could do to improve your life so that you didn't have to 'escape' it through drug use...?

Nobody starts using drugs intending to become an addict, so it's about working to ensure your life and relationships are stimulating and supportive enough that there's nothing to escape from. Otherwise it becomes a slippery slope that is harder to come back from the further one falls.

I hope that you can find what you're looking for IRL, not some fake euphoria 'mindfulness' drug experience. It sounds a bit like mania to me - after the intensity of mania, every thing else is mundane, but mania is not sustainable as the human mind and body cannot maintain that level of energy/intensity for prolonged periods, and hedonism frequently hurts the ones around you.

We will be here though; whatever you decide to do.

*Willow*