Hi Cider, good to hear from you. One thing you wrote caught my eye.
Quote:
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I'm still in the process of trying to determine if there is, realistically, any 'hope for the future' AND trying to come to a lucid conclusion if any yes or no determination that I make is influenced overwhelmingly by my depression or overwhelmingly by sound and reasonable practicality.
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You said later in your post that you feel like you can make rational decisions when you're very depressed. I generally can't, or at least not reliably. My brain lies to me if it's anything to do with mood or the probability of something good/bad happening.
Any chance of your reading/listening to "
Night Falls Fast"? It's such an excellent book by someone who knows about suicide both from the personal perspective and the epidemiological perspective.