Quote:
Originally Posted by indlawsar
I display all the symptoms of severe BPD. All of them. For example, my entire body is scarred from self-harm and I have tried to commit suicide 3 times. I do not know how or why, but I hurt my best friend and pushed her away from me, and I was too distracted to realise I was hurting her.
Does this make me a bad person? Should I stop talking to everyone, because I will hurt them eventually, no matter what I do? I have lost all my friends already; should I not even try to make new ones?
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If you were truly a bad person, you wouldn't be worried over whether you were a bad person, nor would you care that you hurt your friend.
Your pushing her away is a perfectly natural response to your emotional difficulties. It is, oddly enough, a way of telling her you need support. Unfortunately, it is the least effective way of letting someone know that.
It has been my experience that the deeper we sink, the further we push others away. And the fact that they never push back becomes even more reason to retreat further into isolation. I don't think she meant to hurt you either. I'm sure she is just not sure of all that is going on and how to deal with it.