Hi, I have borderline personality disorder and major depression amongst other things. I have been on a ton of different medications but have found they dont work. I have been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist for almost 2 years for these conditions but have found they havent been much help alot of the time, I find it very hard to trust people and open up and talk to them about my life and whats going on, I always feel as though they wont believe me, will judge me or let me down in some way. I have been in an abusive relationship for the past 9yrs which has been hard and taken it toll on me.
Lately I have been struggling alot, I have been cutting, dissociating alot, not been able to work or study, have been having alot of suicidal thoughts, have attempted to kill myself and have managed to get myself in quite alot of trouble where I am now facing jail. I am also currently homeless after leaving my partner.
I have been trying to get help and trying to explain to my psychs that im really struggling at the moment and that the medication im on isnt working, but I dont feel they are listening or understanding me.
Today I had my psychologist turn around and tell me that he no longer wants to see me because I dont listen and he doesnt know how to help me! I also had a mental health place stop seeing me the other week because they said im to unstable.
With everything going on and having no support and then actual professionals walk out of my life I feel like giving up like im a lost cause or something and noone can help me.
I hate feeling like this! I hate waking up each day just wishing I was dead and having to live each day on my own struggling to get through the day. I feel like I have nothing left like ive lost everything, like every aspect of my life is stuffed up and I dont now how to fix it. Im sick of hurting and having noone understand me and just having everyone walk out my life.
I dont know what else to do anymore?
Has anyone got any advice on the situation? Has anyone been on a medication that has worked for them? Or is there something else I can do?
Thanks in advance