Good topic. I've wondered the same thing. Aren't all parents faulty just for the fact that they are human beings? If we examine any parent, aren't we going to find something they weren't very good at? Can any parent be that "perfect"? I would think they answer would be, of course not!

I was raised by my Mother and Grandmother. Most of my life I really believed I had a Happy childhood. I felt loved by my parents and would put them in the 'good' category. They had their issues but were never outright abusive or mean to me (excluding the debatable topic of spanking- but that's another thread.)

That being said, my Mother has dealt with depression and bitterness her whole life. My Grandmother, while supporting us and helping to raise her Daughter's two kids, could also be very critical of her and made my Mother miserable at times. While they were both very affectionate with me and my brother, they only exchanged "I love you"s to each other on christmas and birthday cards. Their relationship was strained.

After dealing with my own relationship woes, I went into therapy for depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues and feeling of ambivalence. Turns out, I'm learning, that I've internalized the tensions between Mom and Grama and am coming to terms with the fact that there was some foundational lack of attunement in my childhood. I had to work through some disillusionment with my parents; realizing that although they loved me, there was some lack.

I have transference with my Therapist for a number of reasons but there is maternal stuff there. It's understandable. My Mom was depressed. I got what I needed to be social, basically functional, but I suffered some fearful attachment stuff. This is exacerbated by relationship fears and stress. Sometimes my Mom just can't be what I need.

As I learn more about myself, I'm learning to talk more to my Mom about her stuff and in turn learning more about My Grandmother's own stuff. It's making more sense to me and I have more ... room.. to see them as whole people.