</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What are you thinking now, Canders?

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That it doesn't matter. He's gone August 4th. I love my friend. It's killing me that he's leaving.

I am well aware that I attach to people in sometimes inappropriate ways. I am also aware that I push away people who try to get close which is why the fact that I am so close to him is a miracle in itself. Believe me, I am so sick of myself for pushing away everyone who tries to help, and I'm not at all regretting turning down other guys who have tried to tell me that they like me and wanted to date because they weren't right for me. I know he isn't either, but he's kind of guy that I wish more of my friends were like.

Maybe I don't deserve the treatment he gives me, but once again I have been abused by people who are supposed to love me unconditionally (aka my family). (Which now that I think about I won't list how they've hurt me, because it is slightly irrelevant). He at least doesn't hurt me maliciously and apologizes when I confront him about his treatment of me.

Maybe I'm acting like an idiot and I know for sure that I have no idea how to react around him and treat this situation because NOBODY has ever paid me this kind of attention. He makes me feel like someone actually cares about me.

I know he doesn't feel the same way about me. I'm not going to be in denial about that anymore. So thank you for that, truthfully. I know I will find a nice guy out there somewhere, but I will never forget the lessons that this experience has taught me:

1) I deserve to be loved and cared about, even when I act like an idiot (and/or feel that I don't deserve it, and when I push people away)
2) I am special and a good person and a good friend (as he, and others have told me countless times)
3) And thanks to all of you... that I do not deserve someone who is abusive even if I feel differently.
4) That I need to learn to trust people more and learn how to better control my emotions and not always act so irrationally.

((((((((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))))))))



Edit: I should also say that he has promised to attempt to keep in touch now and that he will most likely be returning in about a years time. I know our relationship is going to be changed by all of this but I don't think I mind. It hurts like hell right now, but I will get through this one way or another. I have to, because I can't sit on the sidelines in my life waiting for a guy who will never love me like I love him.

Maybe I'm just too immature for relationships. Maybe I need to work on myself more right now and be happy being me instead of seeking others who will help me and support me all the time.

Thank you to each and every lovely one of you who responded in this thread. This has been a learning experience and I appreciate all of your advice and support - even if I may not entirely agree with it. But that's okay, I asked for help and advice and I got it. At least it forced me to think about my relationship with him a bit.

Edit: Also very very sorry for the length of this post.