My therapist did the impossible really, caring or at least pretending to care about me, when no one else really does. But I think it's dangerous for people like me to have a therapist. How do you reconcile the fact the person who cares the most is just doing their (very difficult) job?

I am so sick of this life and being so alone. It feels like swimming up current just trying to exist when no one wants you. I'm in a Hell on earth and not sure what I'm even being punished for. Even when I reach out for help with my hands full of wadded cash I have no luck. It's only a matter of time until my therapist too burns out on me and I cant even pay someone to be nice to me for an hour once a week. If my therapist fires me I'm not sure I will survive it. I wish I could pay someone to help me die.