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Old Sep 08, 2015, 06:46 PM
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Always in This Twilight
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 22,022
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccer mom View Post
So, in short, I thought I had good parents but the transference actually made me realize how much they didn't meet my emotional needs.
This for me as well, except through my male marriage counselor, who is 12 years older than me. I've been seeing my individual T for about 4 years and MC for about 2, but it wasn't until I started having a mix of erotic and paternal transference for my MC about 9 months ago that I was able to make some realizations about my childhood. Same here with generally decent parents who didn't meet my emotional needs. I had anxiety and OCD as a kid, plus depression in my late teens, which my parents didn't understand and in some cases were critical of me for. Plus it felt like my mom didn't let me make mistakes, and if I did, she wouldn't let me live it down (from forgetting to turn in homework as a kid to getting a speeding ticket and later a DWI in my 20s--I'm late 30s now).

MC is very caring and empathic, which has made me realize I didn't really get that as a kid. He's told me he won't reject me or push me away no matter what I say/do, and he's stayed true to that (including telling him I love him, texting him at 3 a.m. a couple nights ago,
Possible trigger:
etc.)--and yeah, that's his job, but he could very easily opt to refer H and I or tell me I'm not allowed to contact him outside of sessions. We had a bit of a falling out at one point, but got through that, and I think it's helped me understand more about myself and my needs (and what will and won't help me). There's definitely pain in transference (some of the more intense emotional pain I've felt in a long time, with old fears of abandonment coming out), but I think it's helping me understand myself better along with reasons I've had relationship (romantic and otherwise) issues in the past. And will ultimately be healing (at least I hope so...). But I think key to that is having a T (well, in this case a marriage counselor) who is comfortable with and experienced with transference.
Thanks for this!
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