Keeping myself distracted from studying, so what better way than to just vent about everything? Sometimes that is all I need to feel some sort of relief. Anyone else?

Just some background, I was diagnosed with GAD for the first time at 13, then again around 19 or 20 I believe. I tried Zoloft for a while, quit cold-turkey, and haven't gone back (I didn't have any problems coming off of it, but I would NOT RECOMMEND because there are some serious consequences to coming off medicine that way). I started at 50mg up to 150mg and I felt like a total zombie! I sort of sunk into a depression and became really concerned at how little I cared about anything... my well being, other people, school, life... and just flat out had crappy doctors to work with. I always had to see someone else otherwise wait a month or two to see the same for a second time, and the last I saw made me feel horrible because I told him I wasn't feeling better. I felt like he didn't believe me and that I was helpless then. He said he guessed he would up the dose again, but I should be feeling better already. Wow lol. Been thinking about CBT with a local therapist, but honestly the time and money I have already put into this and how much that will take just feels very defeating and out of reach.

I feel I am a pro and looking "normal". Does anyone else feel they are constantly perfecting their normal image for others? Many people are shocked to learn I have anxiety, they think I am the most calm and collected. If only they could feel and experience what I go through on a daily basis, it's unreal. I am constantly exhausted and run down for a 22 year old, it is a battle everyday! Hats off to all my GAD pals, we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. But my mask I wear to fool everyone else can backfire. As I mentioned, I was diagnosed when I was 13. My mother, a strong disbeliever in anxiety, decided to not tell me until I was diagnosed later in life again. She means well, but she doesn't understand; how could she? It is a hard concept to wrap ones head around unless you experience it yourself. I just get tired of hearing that I just don't know how to cope, that I am too hard on myself, that I should just not worry about small things, that I should stop being so negative, that I don't give myself a chance to get better. Very frustrating. I can get by and make sure to not let it show or talk about it, because I feel attacked if I let it out. Luckily, I live with a very compassionate man who understands I just want to talk about it, I don't need to be told how to handle it. He just listens and makes an effort to distract me.

So I may or may not be a hypochondriac. It's hard to tell. My anxiety has the habit of making me feel like I have been hit by a bus. A bus with flu germs all over it. I also know my anxiety causes me to zoom in on issues and take an insignificant symptom and then I notice something else because I'm focusing on how I feel, then I try to correlate them, and next thing you know I'm convinced I have a brain tumor or something (thanks Google). Recently I realized I probably have a UTI, possibly made its way into my kidneys. Yay. Happens about every three months or so, since I was very young. Possibly part of my immune system being run down from GAD? Just a thought.

This has/is the craziest year I have gone through. Just taking it one day at a time, because I am just waiting for my anxiety to blow up in my face. I never know if I am handling things better or bottling it in. I am a ticking time bomb of an anxiety blowup! When it does happen, I remember why I seek out help. I have trouble functioning, getting out of bed, I have meltdowns throughout the day, bursts of crying and hyperventilating, I tend to isolate myself in attempt to avoid any sensory anything. I am looking forward to all these big things coming my way, because they are good! But also scary. I worry if I can handle it all. I will be graduating college, taking my certification exam, starting my career... on top, my boyfriend is in a custody battle for his four year old son, whom I fell in love with over two years ago. Big responsibilities! It really shakes my confidence to the core. I feel I can barely take care of myself sometimes! Does anyone have any advice regarding parenting with anxiety?

Since my latest diagnoses, I feel I have symptoms of many other types of anxiety, especially social anxiety. Is that common with GAD to have symptoms of nearly all other anxiety disorders? I was also diagnosed with adjustment disorder. The doctors, which I already explained were awful, didn't even care to tell me, I just saw it on the papers I was sent home with after a check up appointment.

I guess that is all I had floating around in my head, or at least all I care to type about. Because I typed quite a bit haha. My purpose was merely to vent and maybe find others who share in these thoughts or have any advice to give. Please feel free to comment with your own venting, it has been an effective tool for me as of late. Thanks for reading.