every other person is better than i am. i know it sounds like i'm just thinking really negative thoughts rn (and i used to think this too) but it's actually true. no matter what i do, no matter how experienced i am, no matter how long i stay somewhere, no matter how old i am, no matter what i look like, i'm always the rookie. i'm treated like the bottom of barrel. it's happened all my life.

a couple of weeks ago i was fired from my internship. i was working at a theme park as a busser but because of my social anxiety, i got really anxious while talking to customers. my trainer told me that i could possibly be relocated to another location in the park that would be more comfortable for me. so i wait a few days for a new job to open up, only to be called in and told that no jobs were available and that i was fired. i live in the internship's provided housing so the ppl that called me in told me that i will have to leave housing and move out. my other roommates have trouble with talking to customers and get told that they're too quiet all the time. but i guess i was worse than them so they decided to get rid of me. also one of my roommates was late to one of her training days and so management just called her in and told don't do it again. i feel like i'm not worth it to anyone. i feel like everyone just wants to secretly get rid of me. like there's always someone who can just replace you cause i really suck and deserve to be here in the first place.

it's like that in my relationships too, in my first relationship, i got broken up with. guys that say they like me, stop liking me and later go out with better looking girls.

i feel like an outcast in my family, i feel like people that i try to become friends with get quickly bored of me and move on to someone more interesting. it keeps happening and nothing is changing.

i just give up. i don't want to be hopeful anymore. i'm not worth it.