I'm writing this post just to say hi and to see if anyone responds. To make a very long story short, I'm a 38yo Gothic guy from Maine living in New Mexico. I am a veteran of Bosnia and Iraq. I have major depressive disorder and I'm really feeling it tonight. The only one I can turn to is my abusive girlfriend and not even her because the reason for my depression is that I finally had to break contact with my soulmate, best friend, and the love of my life. I kept in contact with her even though we haven't seen each other in nearly 8 years, but she's married and finally said she didn't want to feel like she's being unfaithful to her husband by talking to me. So it's like a chapter of my life, the best chapter, is ending. I have no living relatives, my girlfriend has alienated all of my friends, even my little boy passed away when he was 3 months old. I am even having trouble trying to get alone time enough to post this. I can't even really embrace my Gothic lifestyle here and be myself, as it's not allowed here for many reasons.

Please no judgement. There is alot that I haven't posted, but that's the basics. Thank you for your patience and for reading this.