I would really like to get some explanations to why I feel I don´t want to be the receiver of someone elses sexual needs. I´m 30+ and still a virgin and that bothers me quite a lot and sometimes it also makes me sad and feeling not normal. (I´m a female as the name says)

Although I feel it´s a kind of sorrow that I´ve never had sex and I´ve never been in a relationship I at the same time feel it would be humiliating to be some kind of a receiver (if being with a man) for someone elses sexual needs. I don´t want to be a virgin all my life and I´m not happy about it but at the same time I see sex as something messy and almost beastly, an activity with very low intelligence involved.

I´m fully aware of and theoretically I know a lot about sex so I´m not "underdeveloped" in that sense.

But I would really like to know why I feel like this. I understand it´s something to bring into therapy but I don´t have a T at the moment and perhaps someone in here feels the same and has talked to someone about it.

I was never sexually abused and I´m not within a religion that condemns sex or such.