I agree with those who say: figure out what you can afford, propose it to her and see what happens. I'm having a hard time figuring out, based on your description, whether she put forth her fee as take-it-or-leave-it, or if she put forth her fee but didn't say anything about reducing it if it was necessary. So, the *situation* may not be as dire as you think... but regardless of the actual situation, I can totally understand why you'd feel the way you feel about this. If money doesn't matter, then why not come to it from that place, instead of saying "You can pay a fee or see someone else"? And of course you're questioning the other stuff. At least with the "money doesn't matter" statement, you're in the (unfortunate) position of testing that now, but you can't really test love.

I hope there's some way through this that doesn't involve a painful unraveling of your relationship with her. I'd get why you'd do a few appointments for closure if it came down to it, but -- I am sure you know this -- don't try too too hard for it, because closure is extremely elusive. I do get why you wouldn't want your dad to pay for it. It definitely seems weird and not quite right.

To borrow from another thread, I'd send you a virtual (high-protein veggie-packed) lasagna if I could.