Hi everyone.

I'm back to vent and share some struggles I'm having now after about two months of peaceful stability. I could be worse of course, but I'm very sad on top of what I'm dealing with to have lost my stability. Everything was really going great for a while and I hope to get back to that place.

I'm having some difficult feelings about my current relationship with my fiance. He is a wonderful man and I love him very much but I often find myself saying that I feel "like a wilted flower". I know I have made the right choice in my fiance as he will be a wonderful and caring lifelong partner and would be a great father. Lately however I have been obsessing over a past relationship I had which was very passionate. It was all the things my current relationship are not. My partner is not a very experienced lover and though I have tried to teach him things, there are some things that just cannot be taught. I find myself longing for the passion of my old relationship and I find it hard to resist contacting him.

My obsession with this person (my ex partner) has been going on for years. I have even thought I may have OCD because the obsession comes with a certain level of intrusiveness. I know I'm not doing well when I start to think about him a lot, but I cannot stop. I fantasize and daydream constantly to the point where I am exhausted and can't get anything done which leads me to feel depressed. My thoughts are getting out of control again and I am reminded that I have an illness. I try to manage myself with self care but it's not working.

Has anyone else struggled with an obsession like this over another person? Even though I love my fiance and know my place is with him, I have constant possibly delusional thoughts that my ex is my soul mate and we're spiritually connected somehow. I cannot help but think/know on some level that he feels the same about me, even though we haven't seen each other in years. An old doctor told me I had erotomania, and if that is what it is, it is the worst thing I deal with on a daily basis. It controls me.