i'm sad....and scared....

i didn't get much sleep again last night...spent some time SI-ing...cut myself on my breasts and stomach alot and spent some time in the shower hurting my stupid private

i don't feel real right now...i feel suspended in time....everthing is going on around me...but i'm alone

i'm so scared about my T appt! i'm afraid to meet him. i'm afraid he won't care about me becuase i'm so fat. i'm afraid he won't want to help me. i'm afraid he'll be wanting me to leave as soon as i arrive. i'm afraid he won't accept me. i'm afraid he won't see who i am. i'm afraid i won't be able to open up. i'm afraid i won't be comfortable with him. i want it to be over! over....over....over....over

i wish everything were over....