Quote:
Originally Posted by lunaticfringe
Hi everyone.
I'm back to vent and share some struggles I'm having now after about two months of peaceful stability. I could be worse of course, but I'm very sad on top of what I'm dealing with to have lost my stability. Everything was really going great for a while and I hope to get back to that place.
I'm having some difficult feelings about my current relationship with my fiance. He is a wonderful man and I love him very much but I often find myself saying that I feel "like a wilted flower". I know I have made the right choice in my fiance as he will be a wonderful and caring lifelong partner and would be a great father. Lately however I have been obsessing over a past relationship I had which was very passionate. It was all the things my current relationship are not. My partner is not a very experienced lover and though I have tried to teach him things, there are some things that just cannot be taught. I find myself longing for the passion of my old relationship and I find it hard to resist contacting him.
My obsession with this person (my ex partner) has been going on for years. I have even thought I may have OCD because the obsession comes with a certain level of intrusiveness. I know I'm not doing well when I start to think about him a lot, but I cannot stop. I fantasize and daydream constantly to the point where I am exhausted and can't get anything done which leads me to feel depressed. My thoughts are getting out of control again and I am reminded that I have an illness. I try to manage myself with self care but it's not working.
Has anyone else struggled with an obsession like this over another person? Even though I love my fiance and know my place is with him, I have constant possibly delusional thoughts that my ex is my soul mate and we're spiritually connected somehow. I cannot help but think/know on some level that he feels the same about me, even though we haven't seen each other in years. An old doctor told me I had erotomania, and if that is what it is, it is the worst thing I deal with on a daily basis. It controls me.
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I have done this. I have spent time, at periods in my life, so egulfed with another person that obsessing about them has exhausted my every measure. Fantasies, written letters, rehearsed conversations, and invasive thoughts have been enough for me to confess my obsession (disguised as undying love, longing, or affection) to others. This has happened at least 3 times in my life, all to women almost double my age. I have felt such a strong connection that I have believed these women to be a part of me. This has happened only when I have been acutely unstable. The only remedy for me has been "snapping out of it," ie, regainig sanity.