Quote:
Originally Posted by SallyBrown
I can really relate to a couple of things here. ..
...One last thing I will suggest, and I do so gently and coming from a glass house -- I think if you can, try to avoid doing things like texting MC at 3 am. I totally get why you did it. I am really glad he is handling it well. But I don't see how it can be any good for your marriage. I have a hard time getting H to open up to me, and if he were texting a friend (especially an ex or a friend he might be a little attracted to) about how lonely he is, because he felt uncomfortable reaching out to me... that would really hurt, and I don't think it would accomplish anything other than making me want to just give up. If he were unapologetically abusive or you weren't really interested in working on your marriage, then I'd say whatever, but since you ARE trying to work on your marriage... I am not sure this kind of thing is helpful.
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I'm gonna respond about the 3 am text in one comment and the rest in another. Oh I know it's not healthy to text MC at 3 am (first time I'd texted him incidentally). I'm sure you won't be surprised that alcohol was involved (yes, that's another issue all together...). But as I brought up near the end of our session, I think I subconsciously did it so I'd have to talk to H about my trouble reaching out to him. Like I'd feel obligated to tell him about the text, then we'd discuss in session. (I learned through a previous thing that MC wouldn't break individual confidentiality even though we're in marriage counseling, so it would be on me to bring it up). It's not a healthy way to bring up an issue, but it got it out there...
And there may have also been some subconscious testing of both H and MC going on there too...again, not the healthiest, but there's a reason I'm in therapy! (And MC has said he thought in the past maybe I was testing him, and that it was OK if I did more of that--he just wouldn't want to keep giving me verbal reassurance since I'd only want more).