I have been better in the sense that I force myself to do things. I force myself to go to work, I force myself to say "yes" when friends invite me to a BBQ, but I often want to say "no" and stay at home. If I stay at home though, than I feel horribly lonely.

My deep dive in depression started about 2 years ago and my 3 months old marriage started to go down hill. I just found out my mistake too late and I wasn't mature enough to deal with it as a grown woman, I behaved like a child. I also wasn't strong enough or self confident enough to cope with my own feelings. The past is already in the past, don't feel anything for my ex anymore but being so lonely really gets into me. I feel it's impossible to find a good man in nowaday's world and that also depress me. What I most want is marriage and kids. Old fashion woman. It just seems impossible to find.

I'm a rolling coaster of moods. I feel miserable at my job principally because I don't make enough income. I deal with miserable people at the bank every day and although I have become much better in protecting myself, they still get to draw all my energy. I feel always exhausted and impatient with the world.

I take fluoxetine prescribed by my doctor and it does help. But how can I be just happy? Without anybody or everything? I have been trying to learn that but it seems something unreachable?

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