oh my again, this feeling like i never existed also feels the same as when i was a child. i was there and that was about it. never a part of, just took up space, and was everyone's punching bag. could it be my marriage was the same environment i grew up in. u would think i would have known better, if this could be true.. i surely don't want to bring childhood into this, even when those "childish" feelings surface.

ok.. break time for me.......if i am not careful i will walk myself right into the state of frenzy i was in when i bottomed out. although weaving baskets in a padded cell does sound rather soothing at this point...

on a happy note, i am going to take a nap..