I wish I knew

I often wonder what it would be like to go back and speak to the younger me, maybe warn him of what was to come and seek help earlier

But I know me, and my depression shaming (You're depressed? What are you talking about, toughen up. Do you want to grow up and be a fag? (quote from mother)), my inability to fit in anywhere ever it would be a waste of time

I would probably dislike the younger me even though we share some things to this day

1. Delusion that this will get better
2. That I, in any way, matter
3. My kindergarten teacher is pretty much my first solid 100% this is my memory type memory

It was the first week of kindergarten and we were given a test to see what we knew coming in. I knew how to read before I was 4 and assumed that everyone else would be able to. The kid next to me, my right, was filling in the answers and wrote 'kat' for the picture of a cat. I leaned over and explained it was spelled with a c. Mrs. Bingham grabbed my left arm and lifted me out of my seat and yelled at me "Don't ever help anybody ever again!"

I have forgotten the names of most of my teachers between kindergarten and grade five but hers remains