... at least according to my family and at least for the next several days, or until my mother gets out of her mood. It's the work of the devil to upset her. Nothing may be said which may in any way cause hurt or anger, even if it's true. The family will rally around and exclude the evil one. It doesn't matter that we seem to take turns at being the evil one. i am evil more than the rest combined. i am evil.

thou shalt not point out anything hurtful... for it is a sign that thou doth not appreciate any good things which have cometh thy way. Any and all good deeds must override any pain caused to the evil one.

"i am a bad mother" No, you are saying i am bad for making you cry.

37 yrs of being treated differently tends to create an evil one. It matters and it doesn't matter that good things happen too. i can be grateful and appreciate good things but still feel the sting of being the different one...the bad child... the difficult one... the one who made them glad you were born last instead of first so they were willing to have other children before you but not after.

evil bad difficult pushy stubborn unlovable unstoppable rotten bad bad bad

"but dear, you know we do a lot of good things for you."



did i ever deserve love? what did i do wrong? Call me a bad seed but tell me why.. tell me how to make you love me like you love them.

why was i born different from the others? why was i born different from everyone?

i tell my T i am not real people.