LOL. Thanks! I'm gonna have a narcissistic moment...



It doesn't matter if she's a good or bad person. In fact, such dichotomies don't exist. I'll get **** for it but I don't think even Hitler was a bad person. Not out of some sort of empathy, but out of principle. Good and bad are entirely subjective constructs and almost everyone in their minds thinks they are good/decent, despite the horrendous damage they cause to others. Most lack self-awareness. And self-awareness is something you can never get enough of. I don't even think it's possible to be 100% self-aware at all times. Humans don't have a long enough lifespan to accumulate that kind of knowledge, lol. The thing is, E gets her needs met this way. It's damaging to you and she's so hungry to get her needs met that she doesn't care or care to know how it affects you. That's on her. Your fault in this is that you keep showing up for more and hiding how much it hurts, hoping she'll see the light and change her behavior. You can't change someone's behavior or thoughts of you, no matter how much you somersault. It's in their control, and lots of times, it's unconscious, so it's not even like they can control it in real-time. You can extract yourself from this situation and end the pain, but it's too much to ask another human being to understand how their actions affect you, especially someone like her who is hungry for attention and has seemngly serious issues. I'll repeat that. It's too much to ask another human being to understand how their actions hurt you. Deep down no one wants to see themselves as a bad person. Most people aren't capable of swallowing that conclusion maturely, and what hurts you may not be hurtful to other people in their lives, and that'll just open up a Pandora's box of rationalizations and bs. What you have is the choice you make to spend your energy/body on someone who can hurt it vs. going elsewhere where you can actually get your needs met. People only care if there is an incentive. People will only empathize or understand your pain if they love you. If you are coming back for more torture, she'll think you are alright with it. In her mind she probably doesn't realize what she's doing to you. In fact she's very far off, probably. She probably thinks you were alright with it. And she's probably done this to so many guys and none of them tore her a new one for her selfish behavior, so she has no eyes with which to see, nor does it serve a function. It gets in the way of her established method of getting her needs met. Again, control yourself, try not to seek to control or change others.

You want infatuation, you want passion. Love is romance, passion, companionship, duty, service, understanding, forgiving, and all that jazz wrapped up in a capsule of longevity. It's normal for relationships to fizz out in the passion department. Especially as responsibility and monotony set in. Imagine how it will be like when you have kids. Lol, this is why many couples keep having kids... to keep some sort of passion, drama, excitement alive. It's totally normal to run low on passion. That's why you do things to spice it up. A relationship is hard, continuous work. Just like life- you never stop. Once you reach a plateau, try something new. Your s/o is a universe of her own- every human being is a universe of their own. I guarantee with all the years, etc. you've known her (N), you probably don't know a lot about her. It's a constant discovery of the other person. Through sex, shared responsibility, new commitments, projects, traveling, etc. This is why some couples find meaning and more love after they have kids. The responsibility shows them a new side of each other they haven't seen before. About your needs- did you ever make it clear to her? Did you two ever try couples or sex therapy?

Go talk to the bartender. She probably wants your tip, but if she wants the whole shaft, who knows you may end the night off well. LOL