1. School bullying (mostly middle school)
2. Mom's reaction to her high blood pressure which made me question her love for me at first (middle school)
3. 1st epiphany about my life- feeling like I've only existed to be manipulated and used by other people (early middle school). If I wasn't someone's involuntary therapist, then I was the person to be persuaded into dressing a certain way, act a certain or to listen to music. Keep in mind that none of what I did or liked was even wrong or illegal (I'm a metalhead, a tomboy, I like wearing dark clothes, I'm not a fan of wearing dresses that aren't my style or just for any occasion, etc.).
4. 2nd epiphany about my life- due to growing up a military brat, I know what it's like to see how everything's so temporary (not being able to have friends for more than 4 years which made me end up acting cold at times). Sometimes, I don't even bother revealing all of my personality or show my true feelings because I feel that it's a waste of time.
5. Despite me only being 20, I feel like I've wasted too much time in life.
6. I don't feel like I'm ready for the real world. I have hobbies, but not enough knowledge to label all of them as skills. I look at my LinkedIn account and see how short and inadequate it is. While I'm currently working on this, I'm not sure on how much time I really have to balance both school and providing proof for what I can do (this is my final year).
7. Not having an easy time crying it out since crying supposedly makes people feel better due to it being a detoxifying process. I still express my emotions, but even composing songs to perfectly match them don't always work.
8. Trying to stay positive and plastering that fake smile on my face before leaving whatever place I lived in at the time. Staying neutral was what helps me the most. Just see what happens when you make a choice: No expectations or hopes to break.