How have you wasted my time? It was my choice to reply to you. I didn't have to, I wanted to, I saw you as a person even if you didn't and don't. It is your life, it may have felt different growing up because for most of us, as kids we don't get the choices we want and by far and large most of our choices where push comes to shove, it's not what we actually wanted let alone what we were asked...so the message we get from others is that we don't matter. But as we get older and old enough to be asked, it feels almost wrong. It's hard at times to understand the change is often just because we are X years old...it doesn't quite make sense. But its how it works.

You seem to me like you have an opinion on how things are- at least how you don't want things to be even if you don't know what you want (I'll share a secret with you- in all my life and my experience of friends and even older adults, no one else has a clue what they really want either! Don't feel that if you find this also applies to you, that it is an indication of any sort of immaturity- it is in fact more of a mature act to have realised and accepted this and tried to make the best of taking things as they come rather than making up your mind before you've tried them. But that's a whole other conversation!)

I think it seems like all of a sudden your going back on yourself and I'm not sure why, if it's because it all feels pretty huge a change to suddenly voice what you want or even think about what you need (which actually in my experience are bigger to think about doing than they actually are to do) or if someone has said something to you outside of here or if something else is happening in your life and everything else feels unstable or what. But I thought you have talked sense. You just seem like you need to take the next step and talk to someone.

Is it that everything seems too scary or that you feel like nothing can help or something else? Please don't feel sorry for wasting anyone's time- least of all mine! It's up to me how I spend my time and it's not a problem at all to read your replies and reply to them. If it's any help, I have insomnia at the moment, I'm not sleeping and reading things from real people with real life experiences and things I can connect and relate to is way better than feeling isolated with my own stuff and trying to block stuff out with soulless internet browsing!