almost an hour till i leave for T appt...

i wrote down how i was feeling (or rather that i wasn't feeling), that i have been self injurying, and that i need help with a decision i have to give my boss tomorrow.

if nothing else i can show him that...

i'm afraid my SI-ing is just getting worse and i really don't care...i have something i'm trying to insert inside me and it won't fit - i bled a little yesterday...i know i won't quit trying. and my stomach and breasts are just riddled with thin red lines....

i am scared that if things do not go well today...i will become more forceful...most of my injuries have been half-hearted...i have held hope that with this visit i will be able to determine a direction...come up with a short term plan....if this doesn't happen ....then i will be completely alone and just drifting..... i won't like that

i'll post when i get home from appt