Dear T

You're back at work today. If you hadn't planned today and tomorow full, I could have see you. But I've got to wait another 8 days to see you.
Do I even want to go back to therapy? I really don't know. 3 weeks without therapy. It doesn't really make a difference. So I don't have 45 minutes a week to talk about my stuff. I've been having trouble being honest to you. It's not that I lie to you, I'm just afraid to talk about some things. And I also feel like it's all just useless. 8 full months of therapy now, and there hasn't been any change. I'm trying, I do the excersizes you give me and everything. But my thoughts are the same: everything is useless, it's hopeless, I'm a failure, I can't do anything, things will never get beter
Those thoughts and my feelings don't change. Like 1-2 months ago I had a doubt that maybe things could, but now...
I'm a mess. I've no one to talk to. I've been alone without help for 3 weeks now. Why would I go back. It's pointless.