hi AP

I am sorry things are not working out for you and you don't feel good. Do you think it would be helpful to have the medication looked at? Perhaps seeing a clinical psychologist or therapist will give you the right therapy tools to control depression. It does take some time to program ourselves to respond to symptoms by using the coping strategies.
My depression is continual so that I have to keep using the therapy tools, while at the same time getting on with the business of the day till the symptoms stop which they always do.
I do use acceptance and commitment therapy and literature for this is available on Amazon and should be in the public library. It is based on the idea that, trying to get rid of symptoms only makes them worse so you start to accept them. That would work something like saying to yourself. You are experiencing depression and then observing the feeling pass through your mind and go away. And then you keep doing that persistently till the symptoms stop which they always do, and at the same time getting on with the business of the day.
Things like keeping your mind occupied takes the focus away from depression. Setting and achieving small goals builds confidence that things are coming under control.
Listing the good things in your life and what you have and at the same time seeing what can be added to build a satisfying life would be helpful. As well as that having a consuming passion in life such as a charitable cause, or indeed reconnecting with something that used to fire you up would make life meaningful and satisfying.
There is no reason to feel ashamed. Would you feel ashamed if you have a heart condition? No. So why feel so bad about depression? There is always hope, because people have come back from the most serious depression to fully recover. Which makes it possible for us also. I hope and pray everything will get much better for you in the future. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis