"Stay positive" (being positive never helped me...in fact, that made things worse! Staying neutral about everything was what helped me)

"God will help you" (...I guess I never told you that I was atheist, huh? I could've sworn that I at least implied it. Either way, that didn't help when I was Baptist, why would that help me now?)

"Maybe you should just ignore it and it will go away" (Can that work for a bad grade on a math test too? Because I'd love to see that)

...Gee, thanks, that advice was about as helpful as a kick to the face