I do something similar (but different): I sometimes deliberately trigger myself (I have PTSD) through looking on certain websites, for example the website from a primary school I attended (and was severely bullied). Never the stuff that'll make me panic because I wouldn't be able to cope if I did that, but just enough to hurt.

I'm sorry you're feeling like doing this is the only option (because you wouldn't do it if there were more options, I'm sure). You'll find PC is a very supportive place to share just about anything.