Oh dear. I am a somatizer (one who experiences physical symptoms of mental distress....a patient with physical complaints for which no organic basis can be found). This means when I am distressed, I get gut-aches, headaches, chest pains, muscle spasms. Are you perhaps experiencing something similar with the choking?

Only through a sincere inquiry will you ever really know.

It seems to me that your doctor -- if you can find a good one- should be parsing what parts of your distress are due to organic issues that could escalate, and which parts are your body rising up to get your attention....your body shouting to you about your mental health/stress level/emotional wellbeing. But the first doctor that you mention was not listening, probing, helping, guiding you in the direction of authentic inquiry. That doctor just got out the MEDICATION! And sent you on your (not-so-merry) way.

I'm a big proponent of doctor shopping. If you were buying a vehicle, would you simply turn the key and drive away in the first one that you test drove? Or...a sweater....wouldn't you try a few to determine the best fit? Regarding one therapist, you reported, "I felt great after the session." That is useful data, straight from your body!

Was that great feeling because the therapist listened with compassion? And you felt that you had someone in your corner? You say that this therapist worked at the city's suicide center, correct? Is it possible that the therapists who work there are extremely attuned, compassionate and emotionally available.... while the therapist who spent a matter of minutes with you was merely writing scripts and moving onto the next person in the timetable? IF this is the case, perhaps your body was telling you: more listening, less medication. Can you listen to your physical self? Am I even on remotely the correct track here? These are important signals from your corporeal self, it seems to me and you ignore them at your own peril.

Could it be that healing could come when you have someone in your corner? You make this point about your mother, as well. I'm glad that you have reached out to this superb group and I wish you the best of luck.

Please keep us posted.