I am SO mad at my husband right now. I am rarely mad at him. He says jerkish things, does things that are mean and they hurt my feelings, but I don't become angry, they roll off of my back. Well, tonight he was so inconsiderate that it just made me irate. I ripped him a new one and I am fuming. He called me irrational. I'm not irrational, I'm angry. I explained this to him. I'm tired of all of his sarcastic little jabs; I'm tired of crying when he says things like "well, if you'd just drop a few lbs," or, "if you'd just get your lazy *** up and do something." Well, now that I am taking only one med, I have dropped 7 lbs already, now that I am taking only 1 med, I am off of the couch. I am back to myself. He doesn't have anything to jab at. So, instead, he decides he can just disregard something important to me for a damn football game after committing something differently to me...without even asking.

I forgot what it is like to feel this much anger. The only time in the last few years I've been angry, I have also been manic and entirely out of control. It is not fun. I do not enjoy feeling angry at all. I just want him to feel the way that I feel. I just wish he would see how ****ing mean and inconsiderate he can be. I just want to let it roll off of my back but, now that he is going to a football game all day Saturday instead of helping me prepare for my daughter's second birthday party (he is supposed to be touching up paint, hanging a collage, moving around his workout equipment, chopping down a pile of weeds in the back, hanging closet doors, and just helping me get everything in order), I am super anxious that my house will not come together. And, I'm sure I will feel that way until the party is here next weekend. I am so pissed! I think maybe I am an angry individual and meds just made me such a damn zombie that I forgot what it was like. Grrrrrrr!