I'm going now but it's much too soon for me to weigh in on the whole thing. I've only had two treatments so far and my next isn't for another week. After that they will be twice a week unless we get bumped out of the OR.

I was surprised when my pdoc suggested ECT, but I wasn't afraid. In fact, I was very excited and I couldn't wait. I felt like he offered me hope. And it wouldn't involve piling more drugs on.

I would do anything to get rid of this depression. What scares me the most is if ECT doesn't work.

I had questions of course, but my depression is so low and has hung on so long that, as I said I would do anything at all to get rid of it. It has become unbearable and I have spent most of the past two years far below baseline. I am much more afraid of being depressed forever, than any side effects from ECT.

I do want to address the memory loss. Everyone cites that as their biggest fear and the reason they don't want to go. Does your severe depression not cause memory loss?

Mine does. Great black gaps in my memory to the point that I can barely recall most of my kids growing up. Depression does this. It also makes me sluggish and interferes with my cognitive abilities. I read or heard somewhere that it also causes brain damage. I am not surprised. So it sucks the life out of me and makes me dull.

Anything that I would be fearful of with ECT already happens to me with depression.

If I do have memory loss (none so far except for the first few minutes coming out of anesthetic) it is a small price to pay to escape this depression, and a price I'm already paying.

I'd rather have memory loss and not be depressed, than have memory loss and be very depressed.

Also, there's a chance to take fewer meds after ECT which thrills me. I've been medicated for more than 20 years and that takes a toll too.

There's a price for everything.