You write so eloquently, and your words are really insightful. What you said about your T resonated with me in terms of what happened with my ex-T. Sometimes I think the therapeutic relationship just goes wrong.

The film Cassablanca comes to mind - have you seen it? You know at the end there is the line 'we'll always have Paris' (the good part of their relationship). I wonder if there is anyway for you to have your 'Paris' with your ex-T even though, like Rick and Ilsa in Casablanca the door is now closed? It sounds like there were some really powerfully helpful moments with your ex-T.

I think that you, like me had a dose of bad therapy. I hope your new T is a good one. When I told my new T a bit about the therapy I had had, I felt she very quickly gained an understanding of me, and that this was a bit of a gift for my therapy with her. The same thing will definitely not happen with my new T. I know that when similar issues come up with up my new T that came up with my ex- T she will help me through them.

Have you been able to eat anything?