Tonight I was sitting here brooding, considering all my options, and I thought of something that I wanted to share with you all. Maybe I shouldn't; feel free to berate me and hate me as you like -- you have that right. For all I know this thread will just get moved into the damned Teens section again because I sound less than half my age. Maybe this is just a rant. Whatever.

I don't understand those people who don't understand why anyone would want to commit suicide.

Do you feel me on this? Do you know where I'm coming from?

We hear about them all the time, right? Those people who say that suicide is never an option, who get so baffled and hurt after someone they know does it. They blame it all on depression, or drugs, or alcohol. Nevermind the actual reasons behind it. And then we have the people who get morally outraged at the idea of anyone taking their own life, like our lives all belong to their almighty god and their god alone and damn anyone who thinks differently! Nevermind the obvious fact that their god does nothing to stop it! Or the ****ing idiots who preach that we'll never be tested beyond what we can bear in our lives, hah!

There are so many initiatives these days to "prevent" suicide, hotlines and websites and forums, and I'm sick of running into them every time I feel like I might just do it and am trying to talk myself out of it yet again. Their efforts only frustrate me. People like that are so smug in their righteous fury, when nobody even bothered to notice that the person in question was struggling in the first place. Too many people just slip through the cracks, without access to sufficient mental healthcare or even one ****ing friend to talk to, to confess to, to be genuine with! No wonder this damn country is in a crisis with shootings every other week! How is it that everyone can blame GUN CONTROL when the real issue is clearly MENTAL HEALTH?!

People like that must have it good. They must never get to this terrible, dark, out-of-breath, heart-twisting, tear-provoking, panicky point where it feels like there just aren't any other viable options left. How lucky are they? What they don't seem capable of understanding is that some of us actually hit a brick wall in this life. That some of us actually struggle with things so bad that we'd really be better off dead.

I've also been wondering lately why we don't have some kind of government-run program for voluntary suicide. Why isn't there some government building I can walk into, confess all my deepest darkest secrets and the desire to end them all, and be immediately and summarily executed? Why all the money and time and effort spent to "save" people who might just not be worth saving?! But they have to have the bureaucrats and the red tape. They have to convince themselves that every life is worth living -- even when you haven't walked in that person's shoes or dealt with those issues or felt that kind of pain. It's just so... backwards.