I've had feelings like this about traumatic experiences because they weren't 'traumatic enough compared to other people' and that has kept me from talking about them for so long. Or acknowledging even to myself that they were a struggle. Sometimes memories have come up for me at odd moments or in dreams and I've just pushed them away. Coming to realise they are real, important and have deeply effected me has been challenging.

If I channel my T for a moment, she says "If it made you shut down in some way, it was enough, thats all that matters'. So if you are impacted, or effected by it, then thats the only qualification - no other comparison or measure really matters.

Its been very hard to push back against all those expectations of "deal with it, others have it worse, just move on, forget about it, focus on other things, think on the bright side, help others, don't feel sorry for yourself" etc all that common sense stuff that in this context actually doesn't make sense.

And i wholeheartedly agree that freezing is a sign it was not consensual, you don't have to blame yourself or expect yourself to have dealt with it differently.