Spec, I am not sure how I can be of assistance. However, I understand the texture thing. I would advise if you know that there is a texture you like for say underwear, find that kind of underwear and go with that. I hope I am not reading anything between lines here and something like underwear is something that is just known to you, unless you don't do your own laundry. It would give you less anxiety, knowing no one can see it but it would help you with your desire to have an identity of your own.