Dear Pdoc

I was just watching something and then you came in my head. I wondered what you are doing now. With who you are. Or if you're alone. I'll never know. Think about this, it makes me feel so lonely, sad, anxious. It hurts, this unrequited love. Will there ever be anyone who'll like me? Will I ever not feel lonely?
I miss you. Can I even miss you? It's still so long until I see you again. I want it to be that day so much. But for what? 10-15 minutes with you. And we only talk about how bad I'm feeling and how the medication isn't working. The appointments with you are currently the only things that I look forward too. It shouldn't be like this. I should be excited to go to a concert woth a friend, but I'm not.
You're currently the only thing (person) I like. I don't feel pleasure in anything, but when I saw you last time, I felt sort of good. I just liked being with you. It gave me a nice feeling. But when I now think about it, it also makes me sad. You see so many people. So so many. I'm just a patient. You don't even see me that often. I'm nothing to you. Which I understand, you're just getting paid to treat me. I just wish you wouldn't mean so much to me. I wish it didn't hurt me so much.