I'm a bit upset now, trying to stave off tears actually. I just got back from meeting with a graduate advisor in regards to applying to a state school here where I live for a masters program.
I feel like my stupid past addictions have ruined my life.
I was thinking I could write a good personal statement and do well on the GRE and they'd admit me, but apparently I'd have to take more classes first (somewhere else preferably because it's expensive) to raise up my GPA, which was well below 3.0 upon graduation some ten years ago now.
It doesn't help that I got little sleep the past few nights.
I was on the bus home wiping away tears when I couldn't stop them from coming-
I'm trying to hold it in even now until I'm done doing laundry so my neighbors in my apartment complex wont see me.
I'm doubting everything right now.
The advising counselor was nice enough, but I was so tired and a bit spacey that as I left I sensed a bit of pity, or something else- like she thought I was stupid or retarded or something ( did talk briefly about wanting to go into drug and alcohol counseling because I thought I could do some good because I could personally relate to the struggle)
I'm doubting going back to my old job part time- for what? I don't want to wait another year to go back to school now because of having to take more classes to raise my GPA - which is more time to wait before I can actually start going to school for my graduate program (if I even ****ing go anymore) -
maybe my bf and I can just move out of state like my family keeps suggesting- I hear where they live (some of my extended family, anyway) on the east coast it's much more relaxed environment and might not be so hard to get into a school there, or even not so hard to get a better job there like it is here.
It's like a pressure cooker here and I'm about to break.

- just came back to edit something- the tears flowing freely now.