I printed the BPD DSM and took it to my therapist back then. Yes.
Felt so ashamed when I left the room. Oh my, I can still taste my shame.

The reason I did it was because of self-harm. I self-harmed from my 14s to my 20s and was clueless of how serious this was. I wasn't triggered by or "learned" this on the internet (I remember there was some sort of emo trend everywhere with kids self-harming years ago). When I found out about BPD and self-harm I was alarmed.

Even now I still relate to some BPD traits, but I think these traits are shared with anxiety, avpd or dependency issues.
For example, that "out of sight, out of mind" and the splitting things speak to me.The former is probably part of why I can't keep friends. Or when everytime my partner leaves my heart sinks. Sometimes when he leaves I'll bring myself to think he could've chosen me instead of the reason why he left, and that means he doesn't love me. Not to mention when I fight and out of impulse I say hurtful things I didn't mean and say I'm gonna break up just to regret it 30min later.

While I do deal with these better than I used to (I don't burst like in the past), I still feel these things and they're pretty real and painful. They suck my energy and make me feel guilty, make me question my personality. I don't think I have BPD, but I relate to some of it.

I also used to think people with AvPD were constantly feeling the need to "be social". In my case it's never clear if I want to be outgoing because I want to or if I'm feeling pressured to be someone "normal". I see that other people feel like this too.