I always wanted kids and at times that feeling would gnaw away at me and I thought it would destroy me. I don't know what changed but somewhere along the way I realised that I am too unstable to be the mum I want to be and that I wouldn't wish my problems on a child. After that I came to accept that motherhood just isn't for me and accepted the decision even though it went against my instinct. I had to listen to my heart and mind and ignore societal expectations and my body clock to know what was right for me.