1. "You need to find Jesus!"
Actually, my upbringing in an oppressive, fundamentalist religion is one of the primary contributing factors behind my depression! Please feel free to shove your prayers where the sun don't shine.

2. "Think more positively."
Gee, okay, let me just flip that switch in my head and forget all about decades of negative thinking. It's so easy!

3. "You need to get over it and move on."
Just pull myself up by the boostraps, right? Forget about a lifetime of failures, zero self-esteem, zero confidence and just move right along like nothing bad happened? That's easy too!