I just wanted to write a bit about what I'm experiencing and hopefully get some outside perspective.

I know that I am unwell. I'm having my trademark extreme restlessness that only booze, weed and cigarettes can remedy...and I'm sure my use of these things crosses the line over into self harm. Yesterday was agonizing. I began the day in so much mental pain and was in the depths of despair. It's a hard feeling to explain but I told my partner it's like the feeling of nails on a chalkboard, inside my mind. The day progressed and in the evening I was singing and dancing around like an actual crazy person. I have BIG ideas on my mind again that were not there when I was stable such as..."how can my life be so meaningless yet so incredibly meaningful at the same time?"
My brain is on auto-pilot in terms of obsessive thoughts about my ex (posted about that a couple days ago) and I've had the same song repeating in my head for days...which is no surprise I guess because when I first heard the song I played it ten times in a row or more because it just hit me so hard, even though it is just a silly pop song. The song has intense meaning for me. The bipolar mind is so exhausting! This morning the waters seem calm and I hope as the day progresses I won't feel the need to crawl out of my skin. No matter what I'm feeling the need to always be busy and out and about doing something is a constant, as it serves to distract me. Sleep is not an issue for me right now. I'm just extremely upset...in so many different ways I could never list them all. My peace and quiet mind is gone for now. I hope it returns soon.

I guess what I would like some perspective on is... how to translate all of this into psych jargon? I usually feel rushed during my pdoc appointments so it would be good to know exactly what to say. What do my symptoms sound like to you guys? Dysphoric mania? Thanks so much in advance for your helpful responses!