One of the things in my bag o'crap is Seasonal Affective Disorder. For the past couple of years I've been living somewhere very unlike where I lived most of my life before. It gets colder and does so sooner and lasts longer. It also becomes unrelentingly gray....like every drop of color in the world has been siphoned off, the (gray) sky hangs so low it looks like you could reach up and touch it, and the sun...though it must be up....is absolutely nowhere to actually be seen.

I started having anxiety about this time of year approaching again at the beginning of August when I noticed it was getting darker earlier.

I have thoughts that verge on panic like, "It's coming! It's coming!" like a child might thinking about the boogie monster.

I have a light box which I will use for light therapy this year. But I can't shake this foreboding feeling of impending doom. I can't carry the lightbox around with me everywhere and it's going to look like the way I described day after week after months on end. I hate it with a passion.

I'm thinking of getting a poster (big) of as green a forest I can find, maybe with some bright blue sky peeking through to put at my desk at work. I face huge floor-to-ceiling windows. :: My co-workers will likely look and think I'm nuts.

I don't want the sun and the colors to go away.