Seeking,

My problems are a little different, & I am trying to formulate it into a post because it seems complicated to me & can use some help.

However, I have had so much problems with my husband over the past 30 years that I constantly felt like I was hitting my head into a block wall. There was no communication except when I would yell about the fact that he did not include me into the decision making process. Afterall, we both had our professional careers & everything should be a joint decision in marriage, not just someone going off, not thinking & doing what they want regardless of the other.

I found after this long that I would not get divorced because I will not give him 50% of anything now. I have learned to live without him even though we are in the same house. I must admit that there are some health problems I have due to the stress, but I have so many other things in my life, that he doesn't even exist. It is the only way I can keep my sanity which isn't really there either. I am going back to school since after being out of the computer field for 10 years on depression disability, has put me completely out of the job market.

It is good that you are developing your business. It is yours, & you shouldn't give it up for anything or anyone. It can become your life when he isn't. Someday when it all comes together, you can leave then. If he is like my husband, he gets mad, but won't hit because the sherrif's let me know that I should call them even if he refuses to leave my room.

If it does get physically unsafe, it will be necessary to leave for your safety. But until you feel that point coming, you are as entitled to your house & life as he is. As long as you can exist in the same area, it is worth it to stick it out so you can get what you need out of the relationship.

I have grown very cold over the years, but not to my animals. I love all 11 of my American Eskimo Dogs. I have several who curl up in my bed with me. One jumps on me (not a good thing) & tells me all about his night dreams he had the last night. I also have 4 horses. One is a 2+ week old filly who now voices her recognition when I come up to her, rubbs her head all over me & kisses me on the face with her soft little mouth. There is nothing like the love from your animal family. It is completely unconditional & real. I have never felt that kind of love other than from my pets.

Good luck it establishing a life that will be the best for you.
Debbie K