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Originally Posted by Parva
I've been in therapy for over three years; c-PTSD, childhood trauma, blah blah blah. Things just seem to get worse and worse as I go through all this. Transference, flashbacks, my relationship with my T has become unpredictable.
I don't see how my T is supposed to help me anymore, but there's no way I'd start this whole process over again. So I'm stuck spiraling downward. I feel hopeless and meaningless. I feel like a therapeutic failure. Everything we talk about, I feel, or she says turns into something bad. I am completely emotionally and mentally unbalanced, where before therapy, I was a functioning member of the high tech world.
My T repeats the mantra from Psych 101 - talk about it. talk about it. talk about it....I know not all therapeutic courses of treatment have positive outcomes, but I'm starting to feel like mine is having a decidedly bad result. But at the same time, the thought of leaving my T leaves me in even worse shape.
There is a part of me that's angry over this - like I got worse, so now I'm stuck because I would literally die if I stopped. If I knew back then what I know now, I think I would have just kept ignoring the pain and soldiered on.
I guess I don't really have a question in all this. I'm just hoping someone can say with honesty that it will be ok.
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Some therapists are not particularly skill-building oriented, but handling some conditions, like my PTSD, required learning skills. I'd ask your T to help you with DBT skills including distress tolerance and mindfulness, they're very helpful dealing with PTSD symptoms and the hard work of therapy. And I'd review your goals or draft some so you can track progress.
I have experienced the adage that therapy makes things worse before they get better, but the worse was from facing my trauma which I'd been avoiding (avoidance is a PTSD symptom) and once I did that brutal work, and *insisted* on coping skills (my T was not oriented toward skill building, but helped when I pushed the issue) things got a lot better. It does take time, and the amount of time varies based on a lot of factors, but yes, you should find that it does get easier and that you do get what you want from your hard work!
P.S. Also, just talking about it without a purpose can be retraumatizing! I don't believe in talking for the sake of it! I believe in talking because I'm having issues in my present day life and talking to be understood, not just saying awful things because that can be really depressing. It's bad enough to do it for a good reason. Does your therapist have training in working with people with trauma/PTSD? It can make a huge difference. But there is definitely room for you to work on skills with her as long as she's willing and knowldgeable- I know we had a slump in my therapy until I took that direction and doing so really helped.